Obscure stories from or about me
a (non)fiction of childhood.
getting to texas, was a long hard trip, filled with many trials. it was my 7thish day in austin and i had spent the pervious two days job hunting. day one i wore new shoes and walked way to much and got sucky blisters. day two i wore old shoes and walked a lot and got new blisters that hurt twice as bad as the blisters from the new shoes the day before. what the fuck. well all that job hunting was in vain cause the phone number i gave them would no longer work, and i wouldnt have a phone for another week so i was just hanging out in my grubby shoes (pictured somewhere, but are way way worse now) ridding my bike. i had stopped at a red light and was picking up speed again when i felt a stinging on my foot with the blisters, at first i thought maybe a rock had shot up and hit a wound. but it kept stinging, in different places, there appeared to be a little bit of rain, maybe it was that stinging sort of rain, but no, it was only my foot that hurt. i brushed at my foot with my hand and my hand felt a sting. it was then i realized something was wrong, at the next light i took a look at my foot as i hobbled to the sidewalk. ANTS. RED ANTS. remember, when your a kid and your friend is playing with ants and you smarty-pantsy tell them not to because there could be RED ANTS and they would sting you. yeah, all over my foot. it was hard to get them off and they stung me as i tried. now my foot is all bandaged from the blisters and covered in little bumps. fucking hell.
henta virus, no thanks
I was living in Portland with a roommate in an older (not well kept) duplex, actually it was a quad-plex. When we moved in the place with filthy, in cleaning we found evidence of mice, and hoped that they weren't still living there. Months later, i saw the mouse, come out of the stove top. I named him pastrami, because if i gave him a cute name i would grow attached to him. Once i bought a mouse trap but it was the kill 'em type and i didnt want that. Then I made a trap to take him away to the park but i felt guilty because he had been living there longer than me who was I to take him away. Then in my last few days at the house I was really really sick, and these two small mice crawl up to my bowl on the floor by the couch and try to eat my food. I named them pigsnout, and peppercorn. and i named pastrami's wife, MSC (said miss C) which stands for mechanically sepeperated chicken. I miss them.
dihydrogen monoxide
Once me and cu were on a trip to Seattle in a motorhome and we stayed overnight at this place called the aqua barn ranch, and there were lots of bunnies there, other weird animals too. And cu and I were sitting outside and this weird guy introduced himself to us and his name was Dallas or Austin or a city in Texas and he was freaky. Cu and I think his real name is Chester the Molester.
Whee Carbonation is Frugal
Still on our trip to Seattle cu and I stopped at my parents friends house to chit-chat and whatnot. Cu and I were hanging around outside eating some fancy raspberry chocolate things and we found a little toad in the gutter. Cu caught it and we were admiring it when cu squirmed and dropped him on the ground. Apparently the toad peed on her hand. It was a jolly chuckle for everyone involved.
Turkey Day
Today is Turkey day, I'm reminded of a turkey day last year that proved to be rather traumatizing. For some odd reason my immediate family and lots others went out to dinner, and out of any place they could have chose, they went to a steak house. I'm a vegetarian and a picky one at that and the only thing for me to eat there was cheese sticks. sure I had a lot to be thankful for, i hate turkey day.
Easily Amused
When me and my friend were in juinor high we used to go to the mall and get a ton of perfume samples and run a muck. Once we ran through the Embassy Suites hotel and lost all of our samples, we were sad, for about a second, then we played tag some more.
I almost Died
once when I was sort of a little a wasp landed on my eyelid when I was in a park. It was very scarry, at the time I thought I was going to die. Insect legs feel creapy.
TV Static is Neat
This isnt a story, but wouldnt it be neat if soda didnt just fizz, but turn to a lather. like steamed milk consistency. Know what else i feel like mentioning, isnt it odd how converse shoes have nothing to do with conversation, or converseing.
Hurl is a geeky word
When I was in 6th grade me and my friend Laurel were eating frozen yogurt when Laurel said "man I think I'm going to Frank" at first I was very very confused. Then I remember how the previous week I explained to her how the name Ralph also means barf and she thoguht that was weird. So apparently she got the two names mixed up. We laughed about that for a long time, Its all I wrote about in her yearbook.
Killer Fish with Claws
Once on my way to the locker rooms after PE I grabbed my nose and said to Liz, "I'm a lobster, oh no I have my nose" and I laughed a lot but Liz didn't not untill she realized how dumb it was. I have a dance I made up based on the lobster incident. Its called the clam dance. Acutally its mostly just that spanish dance w/ the little clicker things. Its pretty cool.
Someday I will live in a hut made of twigs
When my friend that lived accross the street we would play outside a lot and one time we gathered a bunch of cool leaves and sticks and made this really cool town out of them in the dirt. It rocked, i have a picture somewhere. Another time we got chalk rocks and made makeup, I don't recall that either of us put it on but it was fun at the time.
Fruit Salad of Death
Once Liz was eating dinner at my house and we were having fruit salad and I put a piece of watermelon in my mouth that was way way way to big for me to fit in my mouth and Liz started laughing at me, so I started laughing because its written in my personality genes that when someone laughes I laugh. Anyways laughing with watermelon in your mouth is not an easy task and i started drooling watermelon juice which made Liz and I laugh harder untill i started to choke and i had to crawl over to the sink and spit out the watermelon and cough a littl more untill my airway was unblocked. And all the while my parents were talking calmly about butter, not even butter margarine.
I Almost Died, Again
Once I was just sitting playing solitaire on the computer and a bug flew up my nose, and I almost died, but I shot it out like a snot rocket (a skill I have never performed gracefully) before it ate my brains, that could have been a real tradegy. And on the topic of eating brains, once I was walking w/ my cousin by this cellphone booth and I said to her, "cellphones fry your brains" and the man at the cellphone booth yelled back at me "so does pot". Back to the bug, once I had to write about a time when my life was in danger so I wrote about how the bug flew up my nose and how it was like star wars the bug being luke skywalker and me being the death star. the girl behind me wrote about how she was saved, not physically, but spirtually. I felt sort of silly.
Golly Gee the Learning Channel is cool
Theres this commerical on TLC a lot with meteors and they are talking about stuff they learned at discovery.com and one of them learned that meteors burn up in earths atmosphere, then they are on fire and go ahh the atmosphere. and i think its really really funny. theres also a commerical w/ fish and one w/ mosquitos.
Sugar Addict
When I was younger and my parents would leave me home alone I would always sneak around the kitchen and eat a lot of brown sugar, plain. Sounds sort of gross now, not cause I dont like brown sugar, its great, but I ate an awful lot of it. I like candy. But don't fret, I brush my teeth a lot and am cavity free!
Smelly and Lazy
Once I bought some deodorant from the dollar store, mostly because it was oddly girly and smells pretty funky and I'm and idiot like that. And anyways the deodorant makes me sweat, isnt that wierd, of course I don't have another thing of deodorant (what is the thing called, a tube or a case?) so I'm trying to get myself off my ass and remeber to go out and get some.
Bajesus I'm Annoying Sometimes
On my way to see the X files movie I got some lemon drops, and on the inside of the box it said "say nope to dope" that phrase was really fun to say at the time so i just kept repeating it over and over.
Sugartooth
I used to be a campfire girl. I sold candy, the mint and the butter toffe peanuts were the only types I liked though. I would really like some of those candies now, yum, mint. Seems like a lot of these stories have to do with candy or food. But anyways my campfire troop went to the boardwalk in santa cruz and I got a really huge jawbreaker. I still like the log ride there more than splash mountain in disneyland.
Oh no! Its not Devo, but something else
Once, ok just a few minutes ago, my pants were stuck to the chair. It seems the velcro to stick the pocket closed folded up and stuck to the chair and I couldnt reach to pull it off, but dont worry i worked something out.
Predictable Randomness
Isnt it weird how there are some things that people will say and you'll think to yourself "oh how random where did that come from" but when you really think about it, its like a word used in situations where randomness is needed. Example words include, cheese, monkey, (for me mostly is) blender, somtimes snot and other things like that. Next time you think something is random, you may want to think about how many other times its been random.
Dirty Clothes From Over the Great Wide Sea
Once I was in a town I've never been in before and saw a placed called "Oriental Laundromat" for some reason it sticks in my head, possibly because I'm obessed with laundromats, but still. Maybe it as the way the sign was written, something just stuck with that place, I wonder if I will ever forget it.
A First Time
Today I picked up my first hitch-hiker. I feel bad because I forgot her name, but she was a very pretty girl probably a bit older than me, smelly, but very plesant. I always said to myself that when I got my license I'd pick up everyone walking and take them where they needed to be, I'm glad I finally went through with that.
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